A few weeks ago, the first two people in my circle of friends got married, in fact, they were the bride and groom. It was a backyard wedding in a quaint New England town where most of us are from. And since I’m still on an illustration hiatus, I wanted to write a quick little recap, but I wanted to write it in a way that was respectful of everyone’s privacy. So, I’ve decided to recap a minute-by-minute account of my internal monologue of 2 completely different parts of the big day. I think this recap will nicely capture for you guys what my (at times neurotic) inner voice typically sounds like.

Part 1: The Struggle

Minute 1: What should I wear to a semi-formal backyard wedding?

Minute 2: WAIT, WHAT HELL DO I WEAR TO A SEMI-FORMAL BACKYARD WEDDING? This is literally like answering ‘maybe’ to a yes or no question

Minute 3: Ok, well I’ll just go with this tie, a white shirt, and this pair of khakis.

Minute 4: Wait a second. You look like a caterer.

Minute 5: …A damn good looking one at that.

Minute 6: Seriously, though, you look like a caterer. Maybe something blue?

Minute 7: I change fast.

Minute 8: Yes, a blue dress shirt will work. Now let’s get that tie on!

Minute 9: Hmm, too long.

Minute 10: Still too long.

Minute 11: Way too short and somehow backwards.

Minute 12: Perfect, now just pull the knot up a litt…*cuts off air-supply

Minute 13: aaaand crisis averted!

Minute 14: Alright, let’s get this show on the road.

Part 2: Remember to Stretch

Minute 1: Ok, this looks like a nice place to setup shop. Now, just ease into it, Tim. Don’t bring out the big guns just yet.

Minute 2: Just sip some beer, find the beat, and keep this slight head bobbing motion going.

Minute 3: Where are all my friends and why are they not on the dance floor?

Minute 4: Upgrade to big gulps of beer until something happens.

Minute 5: Hey, why are the older people taking over the dance floor?

Minute 6: Why, yes, person of similar age, I would like to dance.

Minute 7: Ask whom she knows at this wedding

Minute 8: Brain, think of a witty remark

Minute 9: Ask what she does

Minute 10: Brain, think of a witty and sincere remark

Minute 11: Ask where she is from

Minute 12: Brain, think of a surprised remark that highlights the disparity in distances traveled–relative to you and her–for this wedding

Minute 13: Twirl

Minute 14: Wait, why am I the one twirling?

Minute 15: TWIRLING IS FUN. You should do another one.

Minute 16: Oops, I already forgot your name.

Minute 17: Tim, you should do a much better job of remembering names.

Minute 18: Wait, what was the name of that song you wanted to download earlier?

Minute 19: Friends located! Wave them over.

Minute 20: Commence dance party.

Minute 21: Pop

Minute 22: And

Minute 23 TOUNGE TIED! (Song you wanted to download)

Minute 24: Lock

Minute 25: Dance. Battle. Who wants some?

Minute 26: Try not to lose anymore dance battles to the flower girl tonight D:

Minute 27: Alright, Tim, it’s all drink, dance, repeat from here on out. Godspeed.

Bonus content 

A “How To” featuring an out of focus, blurry, slightly less illustrated picture of me from the wedding


17 Responses to “Talking to Myself”

  1. postmoderngirls;

    It to you nearly a half hour of internal monologue to get to a Dance Battle? Dude.

    Also, also good call on the blue and khakis- the white would’ve looked exactly like my school uniform.. and those were not nice.


    • postmoderngirls;


      Also, I wasn’t done yet.

      I had a mini-meltdown yesterday when I realised just how many people I went to school/university with are married/engaged/have babies/are pregnant. I will *actually* make a wedding in May next year, and I don’t know how I’m going to cope with all this ~adulthood around me.


      • timmer

        I’ve been having those same meltdowns as well. All that stuff is great, but I’m too selfish right now and I want to keep doing things for me.


  2. rondiedoo

    Hahaha, I love this! It’s an accurate depiction of what I would say goes on through my head during weddings, wedding showers, baby showers, etc. It is so weird seeing all of the people I once went to high school with getting married and/or having children. I do enjoy weddings but I tend to go through a similar process in my head, unless I know someone there other than the groom and/or bride.

    By the way, Tongue Tied is awesome sauce! I think they are worth doing the pop-and-lock while listening to. I wish the “running man” was still cool, ahha. There are a lot of songs that I would love to do that to. Great post, dude!


    • timmer

      Thanks! My thoughts always seem to be going a mile a minute and randomly bounce from topic to topic. It’s just how me brain works I guess. Oh, and the running man is still cool because I definitely recall unleashing it at the wedding.


  3. becca3416

    That picture looks like you are actively in the “lock” position of the pop-lock-drop. But that is just my professional dancer (okay retired dancer) opinion.


    • timmer

      I am definitely in ‘lock” position. It’s what I excel at, so I skew more towards ‘locking’ instead of ‘popping.’ It’s probably something like 60:40, which is really counter-intuitive, since dancing requires some sort of kinetic motion rather than just stationary positioning. Ok, that was kinda ramble-y reply, but one can never be to specific in terms of “Pop n’ Lock.’ right?


      • becca3416

        Totally right. We won’t even get in to the technicalities of more complex dance moves such as the ever elusive “burnie”.


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