A few weeks ago, the first two people in my circle of friends got married, in fact, they were the bride and groom. It was a backyard wedding in a quaint New England town where most of us are from. And since I’m still on an illustration hiatus, I wanted to write a quick little recap, but I wanted to write it in a way that was respectful of everyone’s privacy. So, I’ve decided to recap a minute-by-minute account of my internal monologue of 2 completely different parts of the big day. I think this recap will nicely capture for you guys what my (at times neurotic) inner voice typically sounds like.
Part 1: The Struggle
Minute 1: What should I wear to a semi-formal backyard wedding?
Minute 2: WAIT, WHAT HELL DO I WEAR TO A SEMI-FORMAL BACKYARD WEDDING? This is literally like answering ‘maybe’ to a yes or no question
Minute 3: Ok, well I’ll just go with this tie, a white shirt, and this pair of khakis.
Minute 4: Wait a second. You look like a caterer.
Minute 5: …A damn good looking one at that.
Minute 6: Seriously, though, you look like a caterer. Maybe something blue?
Minute 7: I change fast.
Minute 8: Yes, a blue dress shirt will work. Now let’s get that tie on!
Minute 9: Hmm, too long.
Minute 10: Still too long.
Minute 11: Way too short and somehow backwards.
Minute 12: Perfect, now just pull the knot up a litt…*cuts off air-supply
Minute 13: aaaand crisis averted!
Minute 14: Alright, let’s get this show on the road.
Part 2: Remember to Stretch
Minute 1: Ok, this looks like a nice place to setup shop. Now, just ease into it, Tim. Don’t bring out the big guns just yet.
Minute 2: Just sip some beer, find the beat, and keep this slight head bobbing motion going.
Minute 3: Where are all my friends and why are they not on the dance floor?
Minute 4: Upgrade to big gulps of beer until something happens.
Minute 5: Hey, why are the older people taking over the dance floor?
Minute 6: Why, yes, person of similar age, I would like to dance.
Minute 7: Ask whom she knows at this wedding
Minute 8: Brain, think of a witty remark
Minute 9: Ask what she does
Minute 10: Brain, think of a witty and sincere remark
Minute 11: Ask where she is from
Minute 12: Brain, think of a surprised remark that highlights the disparity in distances traveled–relative to you and her–for this wedding
Minute 13: Twirl
Minute 14: Wait, why am I the one twirling?
Minute 15: TWIRLING IS FUN. You should do another one.
Minute 16: Oops, I already forgot your name.
Minute 17: Tim, you should do a much better job of remembering names.
Minute 18: Wait, what was the name of that song you wanted to download earlier?
Minute 19: Friends located! Wave them over.
Minute 20: Commence dance party.
Minute 21: Pop
Minute 22: And
Minute 23 TOUNGE TIED! (Song you wanted to download)
Minute 24: Lock
Minute 25: Dance. Battle. Who wants some?
Minute 26: Try not to lose anymore dance battles to the flower girl tonight D:
Minute 27: Alright, Tim, it’s all drink, dance, repeat from here on out. Godspeed.
A “How To” featuring an out of focus, blurry, slightly less illustrated picture of me from the wedding