I’m incredibly skeptical the world is going to end in 2012. But if it must end, I’ve gone ahead and compiled a short list of some endings that I think would be super neat.

How’s this for a twist ending for humanity?

Turns out Wacky Wild Inflatable Tube Man is actually Wacky Wild Inflatable Blood Thirsty Tube Man. He’s sentient and now has a penchant for human flesh. And I don’t know if it gets much scarier than an armada of WWIBTTM descending from the hills with their hyper smiles and flailing arms. This would definitely be a “We didn’t see this coming, we have no contingency plan” type of apocalypse.

This will almost certainly never happen, but doesn’t it make you giggle a little bit thinking that this


could actually be this?

Imagine, for a moment, that you wake up tomorrow morning and reach for your smartphone. You want to check on your email, except you can’t. You’re greeted be a little message box telling you that your mobile device has a “501 server dtts :( mcsroogle error ”, which can only be assumed to be computer speak for, “go eff yourself”. You restart your phone. Nothing. Same error.

Now aggravated, you grab your laptop, because damn, you haven’t check Facebook since falling asleep. And what about Twitter!? Something could have happened somewhere! But what is this? You can’t get a wifi connection?

Now you’re mad. You wanted to stream Pandora while you got ready for work. How are you supposed to prepare for work without your daily dose of Journey station? I don’t know dear readers, I don’t know. Determined to connect, you pull your ethernet cable out of your forgotten cords/electronics drawer and plug it in, I mean, maybe it’s the wi-fi right?

Nothing. No signs of life on your router.

Now you’re getting worried.

Defeated, you finally accept that this will need to be resolved after work. You hastily throw yourself together and head for the train station.

What’s this?

You’re surprised to see a small group of people huddled around what looks to be an old school antenna radio at the end of your street. There’s a tense uneasiness amongst them. You recognize your neighbor as you approach closer. She has a very worried look on her face.

It’s gone

What’s gone?

The internet

What?

Yeah, it just…it doesn’t exist anymore.

No, no this isn’t possible. That doesn’t make any sense.

(she starts speaking gibberish and shaking)

*you slap or embrace your neighbor, readers choice

I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m just so…scared.

It’s OK. Just calm down. I’m sure it’s all just one giant misunderstanding.

20 minutes later WW III starts.

End Scene.

Okay, I have no idea how the internet would just “disappear” and even though the loss of the internet isn’t an extinction level event per se,  the complete eradication of the digital world overnight is most certainly a precursor to doomsday.

This is one that actually concerns me, you guys.

Recap: we booted this harmless little planet out of the best block frackin party in the solar system for being “un-hip” or “socially awkward”, something like that. I can’t remember. Either way, I’m pretty sure Pluto’s pissed for being ousted for no good reason. Like, “I’m in my garage working out 12 hrs a day while listening to death metal and subsiding on nothing but thoughts of revenge” pissed.

So, I’m wondering, what’s it doing out there in the periphery? Just being all silent and shit. I just have this really uneasy feeling that we haven’t seen the last of Pluto.

AND IF YOU’RE INTERESTED ABOUT THE HISTORY OF FAILED APOCALYPTIC EVENTS, CHECK OUT THIS NEAT GRAPHIC HERE!

 

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4 Responses to “3 Alternate Doomsday Scenarios”

  1. SoulofNerd

    If the internet one happened I would probably die. I’m serious. I’m waaay too addicted.
    Also, the end of the World and needles are my two worst fears. At least it would be nice if it happened in a humorous way. And no needled involved.
    I’d like for it to happen the third way… I think Pluto totallt deserves it’s revenge. I’ve been rooting for Pluto all along… :D

    Like

    Reply
    • Chizzy

      About the Internet just ‘disappearing’, ditto. It’s too much of a necessity and counts for about 99% of my entertainment right now!
      And yeah, Pluto needs closure. I was shocked when it was no longer part of the solar system, it just seemed so pointless.

      Like

      Reply
  2. Nicolle

    Yeah, I found it interesting that the world is scheduled to end on my birthday. But, that is just not going to happen because any way I want it, that’s the way I need it.

    Like

    Reply
  3. Jorie

    I love the thought of Pluto listening to death metal and subsisting only on thoughts of revenge. Excellent post!

    Like

    Reply

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